Special Oil

Four in a row. I was given two. Then another one. And yet another one.
Is there a message in all this?

The God of More Than

Can it be that more than half the year has already gone? Certainly the past one month has been eventful. The most significant was the development of pain in my knee. It was hard to walk and on some days, the entire right leg swelled up beyond recognition!

I got myself a knee guard.
But what really helped was having Arrow #1 back home for holidays and he put to good use what physiotherapy he had learned (He's second of a four-year degree course) I learned some pretty good exercises which strengthened the area around my knee. I also trimmed up, got good cardio workout and felt overall much better.

So good that I went for the 7K Charity Run!
Yes, I did the entire 7K, unlike some folks who took shortcuts! Of course the next day was pretty bad.... but inside me I felt good! Haha!

Then the next significant thing was the second event in the church's 10th anniversary celebrations. (The Run was the first of three)

We had a banquet!
It was a pretty grand affair - 99 tables in a 5-star hotel.

But the heart of the church remains with the special, the torn, the oppressed, the poor (called the STOP people)

So the ultimate celebration will take place this weekend, where in one morning, everything we give will go towards specific projects/organizations. Each year (except for the 7th) the elders set a target and inform the church. Each year (except for the 7th because it was taken from savings instead, giving the church a rest) the church has given in one morning, by God's grace, amounts that exceeded the set target. Called the Anniversary Gift Day, this is our past record. Blue is the target. Green is the actual.
So what is our target this year?

More than a million... Because He is the God of the more than...

Stock-take

Where did time go?

Is it half the year already?

What have I done?

What have I not done?

Suddenly, it is stock-take time.

And I fear to be found wanting.

Lord, where can I run?

Where can I hide?

If I were to go to the highest place, you are there.

The deepest gulley cannot shield me.

I fear to be found wanting.

Lord, let me not be found wanting, fallen short.

Ministry is not a call to lead, but to die

Read an old article that I had saved. So glad I saved it. Francis Frangipane writes

When I first came to Christ, the Lord gave me a dream about my future. I thought that everything the Lord said was supposed to occur immediately; I didn't know of the work of preparation and dying to self, of learning patience and maintaining vision through testing, that would occur before God's promise would find fulfillment. Consequently, I was filled with ambition. Ambition is the first motive that arises in the spiritually immature. I was like the disciples who, a few days after Jesus' resurrection, were already asking, "Lord, is it at this time You are restoring the kingdom?" (Acts 1:6).

Ambition is very deceptive. It can seem just like obedience, yet because we don't truly know the Lord, the voice we find ourselves obeying is not God's, but our own. Our vision can actually be from God, but our motive be self. Consequently, where there is ambition, James tells us there will soon emerge "disorder and every evil thing" (James 3:16). Why? Because we begin thinking we can accomplish the will of God through the strength of man. We are seeking a breakthrough; God wants to give us brokenness.

The spiritually immature do not recognize their immaturity because they are immature. Thus, they become impatient, fearful and demanding. Because pride blinds the ambitious, we presume we are ready for greater assignments in God. In fact, we become a harder assignment for those who work with us, for our actions continually generate strife.

Ambition seeks to put to death what stands between it and spiritual fulfillment. Yet, it is ambition itself that must die to reach fulfillment. Webster's tells us that ambition is "an earnest desire for some type of achievement or distinction, as wealth or fame, and the willingness to strive for it." The word translated "ambition" in the NAS is rendered "strife" in the King James. Truly, ambition is a major cause for strife, church splits and conflicts within the church.

I thought having a promise from God was the same thing as receiving a commandment from God. I did not understand what I personally lacked in character or what I needed to attain concerning faithfulness, becoming a bond-servant, and possessing a grateful heart. These things needed to be worked in me before God would truly begin to fulfill His larger promises and opportunities. What I became for God was more important than what I did for Him.

Today, I am living in the spiritual substance of what was just a dream thirty-eight years ago. My ambitions have suffered greatly, yet my dreams are being fulfilled. While I have not yet arrived at the greatest aspects of my calling, I understand the difference between ambition and true leadership and it is this: Ministry is not a call to lead, but to die.

Every advance that I have made spiritually was preceded by an opportunity to die to self. The power in my life comes from where I have died to self and now live unto Christ.

Do you want to advance spiritually? The gateway to resurrection power is crucifixion. God will arrange opportunities for you to die to self. You must discern them. Dying to self and its ambition is the means of reaching true spiritual fulfillment. If you react to the opportunity to die with fleshly anger or resentment, you will fail to reach fulfillment. However, if you can maintain your vision even while your ambition dies, you will succeed.

Breaking my Heart

A song has been reverberating in me.

Or rather, a phrase "Break my heart for what breaks Yours...."

Then I was given a list. It was entitled "Am I a Proud or Broken Person?"

There were checklists about attitudes. Attitudes to self, others, etc.

I found myself checking myself on the list.

And left wanting.

Take for instance

ATTITUDE about THEMSELVES

PROUD PEOPLE feel confident in how much they know
BROKEN PEOPLE are humbled by how very much they have to learn

PROUD PEOPLE are self-conscious; they worry about what others think of them
BROKEN PEOPLE are not preoccupied with what others think of them.

PROUD PEOPLE are concerned about appearing respectable; they are driven to protect their image and reputation.
BROKEN PEOPLE are concerned with being real; they care less about what others think than about what God knows – they are willing to die to their own reputation

PROUD PEOPLE can’t bear to fail or for anyone to think they are less than perfect. This can drive them to extremes – workaholic tendencies, perfectionism, and the tendency to drive to drive others or to place unrealistic expectations on themselves or others.
BROKEN PEOPLE can recognize and live within God-given limitations

So yes, I try to sing the next line, "Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause"

The Continuation

Since my last post, I have battled with ill health. It's not a nice feeling. I find it hard to think, to even find God. I make mistakes, I tire easily, I get breathless and I am functioning below par.

All I can do is to hold on to this.

2 Corinthians 12:9
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

More at a later date.

Out of Sorts

Feeling out of sorts.
Not had time to have extended nights of prayer as I used to.
Not enough digging into the Word.
Not much free time.
Not even sleep.

In danger of running on empty.
In danger of depending on self.

Need to watch out. Lord, thank You for times of refreshing, revisiting, reviving, rejuvenating....