A Year Later

How interesting that a year later, after posting about rejection and acceptance, I am now in this place where I have to deal with it again. 

This time it is because of doing what I thought was right. And finding out later how it turns out not the way I would have envisaged or liked. Trust seems to be lost, the relationship is in danger of being entirely broken. There is a strong sense of being rejected, of not good enough, of having made wrong decisions which need to be paid for. 

It is tempting to make apologies without meaning them. It is a self-preservation instinct to give reasons without being sorry for the betrayal of trust or the feelings hurt. It is always on the tip of the tongue to blame someone else. After all, I am a victim too, I reason to myself. I am only doing what I am supposed to do. 

And yet, I know now, that this is not good enough. Feelings of being wronged cant be unchanged. Facts dont dictate feelings. Logic doesnt rule sentiment. 

So after apologising,
all I can do is to pray, 

and wait

And trust that ALL things will work out for good, for those who love You, and are called according to Your purpose (Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.") And that You always do exceedingly, abundantly, above all we can think or imagine. 

Comforting Forgiveness

‪These words from C S Lewis are strangely comforting 

"I think if God forgives us, we must forgive ourselves. 

Otherwise it is almost like setting up ourselves 

as a higher tribunal than Him"‬

Onesimus

Spent more than two hours in worship and prayer.

Then it came.

I guess I knew it. But I didnt expect the form it would take.

I find that I am convicted. The Lord spoke.

I am convicted that I have been running away. Like Onesimus ran away.

But now I aspire to be the meaning of that name -

Onesimus
is the Latinized form of the Greek name Ονησιμος (Onesimos),
which means "beneficial, profitable".

Just to Say

I have been neglecting this blog for a little while I know. Busy has been my middle name. Apologies. Here, have a rose and a teddy!
I will try to be more diligent soon!

Please Pray for Joe

We flew 14 hours to another land recently. We meaning my husband and I.

There, on one of our visits to see places and people, we met this man. His name is Joe.

Our friends and we prayed for his bad back. He got upset even though he was glad that we prayed for him. He was upset becaues he lost a child to leukemia and blamed God.
Please pray for Joe. He is a South African on holiday in a sunny land far from home where he was reminded that God will never let him go by some Malaysians on holiday.

Talk about divine appointments.

Please pray for Joe. Here, our friend is giving him a pen which has the contact of the church she worships with.

For more about our trip, visit Metamor4sis, The Hinge and Big Mmmmomma.

When All Is Lost

Just as I posted about forgiveness yesterday, here is a news report about a grief-stricken father.

Meet Dong Yun Yoon. He is a shop manager in San Diego, California. A fighter jet fell from the sky and crashed into his house. This is the scene of devastation where his home once stood. He had just moved in weeks ago. He lost three generations of his family - his wife, his mother-in-law and his two baby girls.Amazingly, as he spoke, standing a short distance from the charred remains of the house, he said: "I pray for him not to suffer for this action." Further, "I don’t have any hard feelings, I know he did all he could"

He added that he believed "my wife and two babies and mother-in-law are in heaven with God".

As he fought back the tears, the forgiveness he extended from such a big heart did not remove the pain of his loss.

He stood, surrounded by his pastor, sister, brother and church members. 'I don't know what to do,' begging for advice on how to cope after losing his loved ones. "Please tell me how to do it," he said. "I don't know what to do."
Rescue workers sifting through the wreckage after the crash discovered the bodies of Mr Yoon’s 37-year-old wife, Young Mi, her mother, Suk Im Kim, 60, and his two-month-old daughter, Rachel. They found his two year old Grace later.
The young pilot pilot parachuted at the last minute, saying that he had stayed with the plane as long as he could. He landed a short distance from his broken, blazing F-18 jet which plowed into the neighbourhood. The plane had smashed through the Yoons' living room before exploding into a fireball, destroying three other houses. The pilot’s was reported to have said I hope I didn’t kill anybody."

But he did.

And he has been forgiven.

I hope he can forgive himself.

To Do Or Not To Do

It can be so painful.

Some people are like porcupines. Touchy. So they are sensitive. Prickly. So they can hurt you when they feel threatened. Even if your intentions are good.

Paul understood that. "For out of much affliction and anguish of heart I write to you, with many tears, not that you should be grieved, but that you might know the love which I have so abundantly for you." 2 Corinthians 2:4

But then he then went on to talk about forgiveness and to offer comfort to the offender!

It is a fact - not everyone who has wronged us will seek our forgiveness.
But Paul, despite what he has gone through, encourages forgiveness!

Does forgiveness come easy? No. Of course not. But it has to be done. It is a choice to be made. In fact, Paul calls it a test of obedience - to forgive is to obey! (2 Corinthians 2:9) If we seek to walk in obedience, forgiveness is not an option.
In verse 11, Paul offers another reason - if we don't, we fall into one of Satan's trap. That's right. He has his schemes, that evil one. And unforgiveness is one of them!

If we are living with unforgiveness, we ar the ones trapped. I know of someone who suffered a lot. Victimized for being poor, picked on for speaking for righteousness, bypassed for being the wrong colour... you got the picture. He ended up ill. His heart couldn't bear it. He had to stop work early. His life was very limited. Until he discovered Jesus. Through his new relationship, he learned to forgive, and to let go. His medication reduced. He had a new lease of life. He even travelled for holidays.

Yes, when we release forgiveness, we ourselves are set free. We no longer have bitterness that will eat into us and cause us to be bound. Furthermore, as the Lord Himself taught us, He will "forgive our sins as we forgive the sins of others."
So Paul encourages a forgiving nature. Don't "simpan dalam hati" meaning don't keep inside your heart. Learn to let go. Paul did. We need to learn to do that too.

If you have problems forgiving someone, take time out with another Christian you can trust. This person should be mature so you can share honestly, without being gossipy. Don't do character assassination as you share. Try to remain factual. Then let the other Christian pray with and for you. Exercise James 5:16 "Confess your trespass to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed"