The Healing Has Begun

It had been a time of great difficulty. Subsequently, I discovered chunks of memory loss during that period. I read later that such loss can occur when a person undergoes great pressure. Literally, apparently, parts of the brain dies. I have wondered if that is possible. But then, just a few days ago, my Hubby mentioned an event which I have no recollection of. Perhaps it is old age, I tell myself.

But as Paul said, we need to forget what lies behind and press on forward to the goal. Which is what I strove to do. Seemingly successfully too. I was able to face adversity and adversaries.

For that reason, when circumstances seem to go full circle, I had to wonder why. Then I found I felt fear.

Fear of repeated rejection. Fear of repeated of hurt. Fears that I thought had been dealt with... but obviously hadn't.

I told the Lord that I had no desire to repeat history.

Imagine my delighted surprise then, when I find that when history seemed to repeat itself, the emotions experienced are totally the opposite.

Instead of rejection, there is acceptance.
Instead of pain, there is affirmation.
Instead of feelings of being used and abused, there is relief and understanding.

In such circumstances, these are alien sensations, thereby confirming how deep rooted this is for me. My conditional reaction to this is to try to protect my heart. Only to find that there is no need for this.

The healing has begun.